Autobiographies and Getting Drunk with Danny DeVito

Over the past month, I have developed a strange obsession with celebrity autobiographies.  Once a week, I've been heading to the library to find another book.  Intently I would read, getting lost in the circle of feeling bad for the star whom made a lot of money writing a story to make me feel bad.  Love it!  I cried when Tatum O'Neal struggled with her drug problem and dealt with her dad issues.  I cried when MacKenzie Phillips struggled with her drug problem and dealt with her dad issues.  And Cybill Shepherd...well, I tried to feel bad for her.  It's really hard to feel bad for a beauty queen turn actress who's biggest problem was being too pretty.

 This is the conclusion I have made for myself a long time ago:  Being famous in your mind is a lot better than being famous in real life.  In your mind, you can control who loves you, go anywhere in the world, be a movie star, and never have to worry about the dark side of fame.  Of course, if you're into the dark side, go for it.  It's your imagination! 

In my mind, I am the host of a late night talk show.  Unlike a certain cynical female late night host some of us know of from a major entertainment cable channel, I'm amazing enough to be on NBC!  I follow Jay Leno and Jimmy Fallon.  Sorry, Carson Daily.  Your show was too boring and got cancelled...in my mind.

Although I'm on at 1:30ish in the morning, my ratings are equal to that of The Tonight Show because I am an incredibly witty female and loved by all...in my mind.  I have unconventional fun with my guests.  Just last Tuesday I was doing shots of Patron with Danny DeVito.  I couldn't keep up, but he kept going.

Every Friday is a musical guest.  Once I had Wang Chung!

(This is my mind, not yours!)

You see, when you're a celebrity in your mind, you can do whatever you want without criticism and live in a bubble where everyone JUST MIGHT WANT to Wang Chung tonight! 

I just don't think that Cybill Shepherd will ever like me or be on my show...in real life OR my mind.